The Tradition Loop

Write about a few of your favorite family traditions.

By Tracy Schruder

“In 2020, my husband and I went through a wave of transformation. We became clear and honest in our communication with each other. We sat down and discussed what we truly wanted from life and what was keeping us from achieving those goals.

We examined the holiday traditions that we celebrated every year and evaluated what, if anything, we got out of them. We asked ourselves: Was it adding to our joy? Did it foster connection? Was there anything to gain?

We realized that the giving had become empty over the years. We’d spent many Christmases and Easters as children, enjoying them like silly little kids do. However, during our 25 years together, we’d had only a handful of times where we gave gifts from our hearts and witnessed the recipient receiving and enjoying them. The holiday thing had morphed into a cycle of rejection and disappointment.

Relationships with family were tense, and most holidays we didn’t get to see or be part of the lives of the people we were showering the gifts on. There were instances where family members would send one adult to our house to drop off and pick up gifts, always in a rush, never bringing the children to visit. His side would collect gifts with no return, no phone call, no gratitude – just complaints about the gifts. We became weary of giving only to be rejected.

On my side, visits to my family for Christmas had ended early in our relationship due to the tense atmosphere and aggression. I felt guilty for not being there for the younger generation and my parents, but I couldn’t subject myself to being pushed around, bullied, or threatened just to make others happy. I quit attending family holiday gatherings in 2010.

We decided that this holiday loop didn’t add anything to our lives and was more toxic than joyful.

We’re now living our lives without celebrating with family, and sometimes skipping holidays altogether. It’s working fantastic, honestly. We don’t know what’s to come, there’s no plan and no pressure.

I still honour and respect others’ holiday traditions, but for us, every day is a celebration of life, and no loop is required to enjoy that.”