Terrible Teens

Is there an age or year of your life you would re-live?

By Tracy Schruder

There’s one year of my life that I’d love to relive – my sixteenth year, but only if I could do it with the knowledge and wisdom that I have today. You see, I believe that knowledge is power, and knowing better enables us to do better.

Back then, I was a lost and confused teenager, navigating a tumultuous phase that I affectionately refer to as my “Terrible Teens.” During this time, I made a host of bad decisions that dramatically altered the course of my life. I wasn’t mature enough, nor was I wise enough, to make informed choices.

The consequences of those decisions were far-reaching, and it took me the better part of my twenties to repair the damage. However, I’m grateful to say that I’ve since shed the guilt and shame associated with my actions. I recognize that I was just a kid, and at sixteen, everyone is still very much a child. Looking back, I feel a sense of anger towards the adults in my life who convinced me that I was old enough to live on my own and make adult decisions.

Some of those decisions hurt me deeply, and I didn’t understand the consequences at the time. I certainly wasn’t mature enough to navigate the aftermath without causing more harm to myself and others. There were times when I felt like giving up, and I would often skip school or disengage from my responsibilities. Despite struggling in school, I managed to show up for work, likely due to the fact that I needed to earn a living.

It wasn’t until I hit the age of eighteen that I began to smarten up, but I wouldn’t become truly responsible until I turned twenty-two.

If I could relive my sixteenth year with the knowledge I have today, I would have made better choices. I would have stood up to the adults in my life and told them that they should be ashamed of the path they encouraged me to take. I would have thrived in school, finished my education, and possibly pursued higher education earlier in life.

I might have become a young parent, and maybe even built a different life. I wouldn’t have turned to drugs to numb the pain of my decisions, nor would I have sought validation and security in unhealthy relationships. Instead, I would have been able to help other teenagers in similar situations make better choices. I would have listened more to the responsible adults in my life and respected their guidance.

My “Terrible Teens” were a frustrating and depressing time in my life. It was a period that should have been filled with joy and exploration, but I just wanted to escape. I know now that I was just as capable and deserving of happiness as my more successful peers, but back then, I didn’t feel that way about myself. I was too hard on myself, and I let others dictate my path. None of this would have happened if I knew then what I know now.

“The catch-22 of this change is a paradox I’ll never fully resolve – would I have become the adult I am today if I hadn’t struggled back then? While the answer remains unknown, one thing is certain: I’m grateful for the person I’ve become and the journey my life has taken. The struggles, though difficult, have shaped me into who I am today, and for that, I’m truly thankful.”